This
story was written after my roots trip in 2004 where I visited the
shtetl and mill located in Kupiskis, Lithuania. I was given the
picture of the mill owner by the present owner and from there, the
plot only deviates slightly from the actual reality. Basically, it
is a product of the memories of those who were descended or lived in
the shtetl of Kupiskis as well as the actual records of the town.
He had
a full head of wavy dark hair which flowed thickly from his broad
and intelligent forehead. He had kind and gentle eyes, the eyes of
someone you could trust, someone you would instinctively like. He
was a wealthy man by the standards of his day and he did not flaunt
this wealth, but quietly put it to work in the community. He liked
that he could give and not always be known. His anonymity satisfied
him.
The
church chandelier was one of his major gifts to the community, a
3-tiered brightly lit crystal beauty, which hung with great dignity
in the main apse of the church. When one prayed, it lit the whole of
the interior with a rich and mellow glow.
The
poor benefited from his largesse and there wasn't a person in the
community that did not know that they could count on him in time of
need. But there were those who were jealous of him, petty people, at
best. Those who had failed at all they did or those who saw his
dignity, integrity and intelligence and hated him for those things.
And there were those who knew he was a Jew and hated him for this
alone.
Women
felt drawn to him; he exuded a warm and feral feeling which
transmitted itself to them directly. However, he had long since
married someone of his own kind, an arranged marriage, with a young
woman who did not have great beauty, but had wealth. She was
dignified and respectable and made a good companion and spouse for a
man of his means.
They
lived in harmony for many years, but there were no children and it
became evident that there never would be any. The mill owner was
crushed, as he had wanted children to enhance his life and give it a
deeper meaning. Children could take on the responsibilities of the
commercial empire he was building, could enjoy the fruits of his
labor, and, in the end, could love and care for he and his wife in
their old age.
His
siblings had children galore, but for him there would be no one.
Eventually, he and his wife grew distant, not knowing who was to
blame for the barrenness in their lives. He traveled abroad more
often than before, visiting commercial interests, making deposits in
his Swiss Bank, pausing at well-known spas such as Baden Baden to
relax and meet others like himself, particularly the beautiful women
who frequented them. Their beauty intrigued him and sated the
emotion he often felt, the longing for what was never to be.
He
would return home, finding the emptiness agonizing, and the stiff
and unbending quality of his wife becoming more evident as the years
went by. They spoke infrequently now, mostly to settle household
matters. They were seen together at family gatherings, he
well-dressed and prosperous, and she looking sad and apart. One
photo showed them standing in front of his first car, a wonderful
contraption, lovingly cared for, the very first such vehicle in
their town. It allowed him to escape, to drive far distances, to
remove himself from any reminder of the lack of family and children
in their home.
As he
walked about his community, he began to find the devotion and
affection he did not have at home. He did much to alleviate poverty,
to improve the lot of his fellow man. His mill now provided the
first electrical power to the community and this was an important
step towards modernizing his town. There were many in the town that
wished him well and depended on him. He gained the reputation of a
millionaire with a heart.
In his
travels about the community, he often saw a young woman, beautiful
and young, dazzling in the glory of her youth, who was married to a
slightly older man. The husband had left the community to find work
in South Africa as many often did in those days of turmoil. She
worked hard to support herself in his absence, but one could see
that she missed having someone to succor her, to comfort her, and to
take on all of the everyday miseries that could occur to someone in
their poor community.
Very
often, he would stop by her store, buy something from her and chat
for a moment. These fragments of time began to mean more to him each
day as he would pass her on his way to and from the mill. She, in
turn, began to enjoy his presence and innocent conversation. She was
lonely and he was a handsome and debonair fellow. She began to wear
her nicest clothing when she knew he would be stopping, she would
primp and try to look her best.
The
town was small and people noticed that the mill owner was stopping
rather frequently at the shop of the woman. This situation
occasioned much discussion and the townsfolk whispered their
suspicions, one to the other. What they whispered grew in dimensions
as it got passed from one to the other until the two innocent
parties were imagined by their townsfolk to be engaged in a raging
love affair.
The
whispers began to have a life of their own and they were eventually
put on paper, in letters to family and friends who had left the town
and gone to South Africa. This was a major happening in a town of
their size, something new and diverting from the monotony of
everyday life.
Those
people who had hated the mill owner before now saw an opportunity to
do him harm. One such person wrote to the husband of the woman, told
him of the whispers about his wife and the mill owner. He begged him
to return and collect his wife and free her from this bad influence.
Originally, the husband had left the town as he knew that a War was
coming and they had to find a way to support themselves elsewhere.
He worried about the wife he had left behind, the young and
beautiful woman, he had left alone. There had been nothing he could
do, as it was imperative that he leave and find a life in Africa to
support them. He had planned to bring her out in a year or two when
he had enough money saved.
This
news about his wife hurt him to the bone and, at first, he found it
hard to believe that this set of circumstances had taken place and
that his pure and pious young wife would do such a thing. He hated
the mill owner for his part in what he thought was the seduction of
his wife.
His
jealousy began to turn him into a sour and angry man. This would not
have surprised those who knew him well, as he was a person who was
wont to believe the worst of mankind. He took things at face value,
never plummeting to the depths of life.
Therefore, he did not consider that the rumors were false, and he
began his return home, the long journey ahead not a deterrent as he
thought of his wife in the arms of the mill owner. He wrote to his
wife and told her he was coming to get her, not mentioning the
reason. He would speak to her when he arrived and set things
straight.
The
wife, surprised by this turn of events, saw that her husband was
finally returning home after so long an absence. She thought of his
return and realized that she did not yearn for it as she had in the
past, for those many years that he had been away from her.
Despite his absence, she had been a constant and faithful wife to
him, but now, suddenly, her heart was somewhere else. She felt
something for someone else. What was she to do?
The
mill owner heard of the husband’s imminent return and he felt a
sadness and regret. His blissful daily interludes were coming to an
end, the special moments he spent during the day visiting with the
woman would be curtailed and they would meet no more. His life would
return to the humdrum emptiness of the past. He thought of this as
he walked along the road towards the woman’s shop, intent on seeing
his future, his loneliness, unravel before him.
Opening the shop door, he realized it was closing time. The woman
was gathering her things to end her daily toil and go upstairs to
her home for her nightly meal. The last patron had departed and they
were alone, alone at long last. The mill owner felt the opportunity
had come to speak his mind, to tell the woman of his feelings for
her, at least, once before they parted forever.
As he
began, the woman came from behind the counter and closed the
shutters on the windows, locked the door, and moved silently beside
him. She took his hand and led him upstairs to her living quarters.
She parted from him momentarily and went to the fire and stoked it
hot and fiery to keep them warm.
Later, when their moments of closeness were over, they sat in front
of the fire and debated what to do. They could not bear to part, but
the woman’s husband was on his way. The mill owner could not leave
his wife of many years, what would she do? The scandal of their
liaison would destroy the fiber of the community, would destroy
whatever good the mill owner had ever done. Where could they live
together with their shame? Divorce was anathema then. They would be
outcasts.
The
mill owner wanted to be able to tell her that they could leave
together, could leave that day, could escape what he knew might be
coming in the future, but he could not find it in his makeup to do
that. He could not wish on her a life of shame and degradation,
shunned by the community for their liaison.
The
woman cried bitterly, for she knew that she loved the mill owner,
now, more than ever. She also knew that she would accept the return
of her husband without any qualms, would go with him where he
wanted. There was nothing else to do.
Several weeks passed and the husband finally returned home. His wife
and the mill owner had parted finally and no longer saw each other.
By then, too, the whispers had subsided and the scandal mongers now
had other things to take up their attention. A War was coming and
much evil was on the way to their community. People were packing and
leaving in haste, ready to risk everything to get away.
The
husband saw his wife and knew she was his once again. He was still
angry at the rumors that had brought him back. He felt that they
were untrue now and he settled into his old domestic routine. He
could not leave her again and did not have the funds to take her
with him, if he did. They were stuck, his years away from home of no
use now, his money was gone, used on his fare back home. They would
have to meet their fate together whatever it was.
As
the War overtook the town, the Jews of the place were taken and
summarily killed by their neighbors, buried unceremoniously, without
fanfare or tombstone, the men first and then the women and children.
They lay in deep pits in what was called an atheists’ cemetery.
The
mill owner had been out of town at a nearby spa when all this had
transpired. Upon returning to the town, he found that his faithful
wife had been killed and his community had been totally decimated.
The ravaging wolves of hate lurked everywhere and there appeared to
be nowhere to hide.
His
life in tatters, he had fled to a neighboring village where he was
hidden by a peasant who knew him well and who was eager for his
money. He remained there unharmed until his money ran out. He was
then dragged from the peasant’s cottage back into the town and was
shot ignominiously by the side of the road and left to die.
In
those last moments, he thought of his poor wife who had died without
him by her side, of his life of good deeds in the community, the
years he had done his best for all, and he remembered too the
highlight of his life, the brief tender moments with the woman, now
gone as well, buried deep in the soil of the atheists’ cemetery,
alone. His tears ran down his face and mingled with the blood around
him until he breathed no more.
Years
later, at the end of the War, those who had survived came back to
the town, bent on finding who had bested the brutality of those
times. The woman came too as she had managed to survive the massacre
in the town, had fled into the forest, helped by kind peasants,
since she was, by then, pregnant. A small child walked beside her
now, tiny, in tattered clothing, but alive and well.
The
woman asked in the town what had happened to her landsleit, to her
family, to her friends. Then, she asked about the mill owner. They
told her the sorry tale of his death and his burial in the atheists’
cemetery afterwards.
She
was heartbroken, and saw around her the loss his death had caused.
The town seemed, somehow, more shabby and smaller, without his
presence. He had brought a special energy and magic to the shtetl.
She remembered his slow deliberate masterful stride as he walked
through town, noting all around him, looking at what needed to be
done, to be taken care of, to make things run properly.
There
would be others who would take his place, but they would not have
the heart he had to bear the burdens of the town so lightly on his
shoulders, to care about each and every person no matter what their
station. She turned then and walked towards the mill where the
miller had made his mark.
Reaching the mill, she wandered inside the large gloomy interior,
the noise of the engines and the dirt of the work still there. She
pulled from her pocket a small photograph, one he had given her, and
she placed it quietly behind one of the thick wooden beams at the
back of the mill. He would be there forever now she thought; it
would be his mill no matter who had stolen it from him.
As
she walked out into the bright sunlight, her hand closed gently over
her child’s small hand and she walked purposefully towards the
atheist’s cemetery. She picked a single flower from the field nearby
and placed it upon the monument that had been erected there in the
cemetery to commemorate those who had been killed so ruthlessly.
The
tears flowed, for her husband and family, her friends, and for her
life that had been so horribly torn apart. As she stood there in
silence, she thought too of the mill owner and knew that he would
have been contented that she had come . . . that beside her stood a
small remnant of him that still lived, a remnant that was growing
quickly every day. It was the boy with the shock of dark hair which
curled and tumbled about his tiny face.
The
years passed and one day the child grew up, a tall and upright man,
with much of his father’s kind and sensitive ways about him. He
wondered about his father and, in doing so, he made plans to return
to his father’s birthplace where he had been killed so brutally.
Later, he walked in his father’s footsteps, saw with his own eyes
what his father had wrought in the town, and finally came to the now
decrepit mill, the mostly bare bricks with the paint peeling and
long gone.
He
stood there waiting, waiting for his father to emerge perhaps, his
shadow on the dirt and gravel of the yard, the iron implements
rusted and broken, in his path. However, the only person who came
out to greet him was a large bulky man, strong and taciturn, his
arms bulging from his rough shirt, his face burned red from the
summer sun, the new owner of the mill.
The
mill owner’s son spoke to the man and told him who his father was.
The man led him inside and showed him the interior of the mill, not
changed radically from his father’s time, the floor dirt-packed
still, the implements scattered helter-skelter on the floor, and the
big engine which drove the mill, large and caked with grease.
At one
point, the man stopped his tour and went deep into the mill, to a
thick wooden beam, and he pulled out a small photograph which had
been hidden behind it. He showed it to the mill owner’s son. “Here
is your father”, he said, I found this when I took over the mill”.
It
seemed then that the mill owner’s son suddenly remembered,
remembered that day long ago, misted in the veils of his memory, the
moment when his own dear mother had placed the photograph there.
Yes, it was the very one. He handled it lovingly, careful not to
tear the edges or to crease it. Reluctantly, he returned it to the
man to put, yet again, behind the beam as the man required that from
him. The photograph belonged to the mill. It would stay there in
perpetuity, a token of his father, until the mill was no more.
______________________________________________
Originally
posted to FB JG Portal August 16, 2015.
Born
in Manchester, England, genealogist Ann Rabinowitz is a resident of
South Florida and has been involved in genealogical pursuits since
the age of ten. A prolific writer, her articles have been published
on the JewishGen Blog, in numerous Jewish genealogy journals, on
Facebook, and in various newspapers.
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